Win Harper | Life and Leadership Coach

Thank you for the nice introduction.  Elizabeth and I are honored to be here.  You probably noticed as we rode in the convertible that I had a different wave than my wife.  She is from England and did the traditional Queen’s wave.  She is now a naturalized US Citizen, and I am very proud of her for that accomplishment.  She is carrying the flag that was presented to her at the Naturalization Ceremony.  We are both very proud to be Americans!!!!

Is this a great day or what!  This is a wonderful way to celebrate Memorial Day.  Everybody loves a parade, and I especially enjoy that we are together celebrating as a community!

As you know, to some Memorial Day is a day off from work and the unofficial beginning of the summer season, but it is more significant than that.  It is a time to honor our loved ones, our ancestors, and our friends who died in wars to protect our way of life.  Men and women from our community and every walk of life who took an oath to “support and defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic.  They made a commitment to us that they would protect our country and our way of life. Some of them paid the ultimate price for our freedom, and today we are here to honor them, and to remind ourselves that we are the beneficiaries of their sacrifice. 

Men and woman from Gorham, Middlesex, and Rushville have always responded to the call of duty and our community has shared in our nation’s losses.  In the Rushville History Room on Main Street there is a Wall of Honor.  There hang the pictures of 519 local veterans who served our country.  The Wall is a sacred reminder of our community’s contribution to our Nation’s freedoms.  There is a special section of the wall that has pictures of those who died defending our country, and I want to mention a few of them: Many of the names you will recognize, and I am sure that they all have friends and relatives here today.

William and Edward Morgan – twins - the Civil War - Gorham
William Robson - WWI - Rushville
Julian Lafler - WWII - Middlesex
Gerald Gorton - during the Cold War - Rushville
Arthur Herod - Vietnam – Gorham
And, Joseph Valesko Jr. - Vietnam - Cottage City

I encourage you to visit our History Room and go the Wall.  Look at the faces of the Women and Men from our community who gave their lives for our freedom.  I also encourage you to walk through our local cemeteries; got to our war memorials and read the engravings – the dates of birth and death.  These young men and women were taken from us prematurely, but as a great man once said,  “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in the stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

When I was a young man growing up in New Castle, PA, I played on my church’s fast pitch softball team.  Just this past April I learned that one of my dear friends from that time, Mike Sikofilos died.  He was a US Navy veteran and the pitcher on the team.  In 1964-65 we were 50 – 4.  Mike delivered milk for Linger Light dairy.  Ollie Hoch who was a Navy Corpsman in Korea was on that team also.  Ollie was the janitor at a local school.  My dad was a Marine during WWII and became a car salesman, and many of my teachers and coaches were military veterans also.  They were my role models, my mentors; they helped me to become the man I am today.  Their legacy is woven into the fabric of my life.

In our community the men and women who served our country and returned became our mailmen, our doctors and lawyers, our teachers, our store clerks, our farmers, our parents, our friends.

I want to mention some of our local veterans who served our country and returned to serve our community and whose legacy is woven into the lives of others:  Men and Women like
Bruce Martin our senior veteran
Cheryl Vadner our Grand Marshal today.
Charles Holton MOH winner - Civil War Veteran from Potter (served with Custer)
John Lafler Civil War POW from Middlesex
Frank Rector WWI veteran from Potter
Thomas E Hegerty Jr. WWII Navy Cross winner from Middlesex
Earl H. Simonsen Korean War veteran from Rushville
Dave Johnson Vietnam veteran from Rushville
Chuck Whitback Iraq Veteran from Rushville

Their pictures and their information are on our Wall.

I believe a wall is a great symbol for our veterans:  it represents strength and protection.  A well-built wall separates us from danger.  This symbolism was used in one of my favorite movies:  A Few Good Men.  I liked the movie not just because it is about Marines, but for this one scene.  Demi Moore’s character is asked about the Marines she is defending in a court-martial:

Lt. Weinberg: Why do you like them so much?

Her reply is:
Galloway: Because they stand upon a wall and say, “Nothing’s going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch.”

The men and women on our Wall of Honor stood upon a wall, and said, “Nothing’s going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch.”

We have already recognized our veterans who are here today.  I would like to honor another group of individuals.  When I was a child there was a Pogo cartoon strip that had one frame; it showed a woman sitting by a fireplace at Christmas time and the caption read, “They also serve who only sit and wait!”  When I was in Vietnam 1967-68, I did not appreciate or understand what my friends and family experienced.  So today I would like to honor those who have served by staying behind and working hard to support their families, those who endured the hardship of not knowing if their loved one was returning, and who steadfastly kept their loved ones alive in their hearts; while patiently waiting for their family members, their friends, their loved ones to return home safely.  So if you are a family member a mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, son, daughter or friend of a veteran please stand up or raise your hand so that we can see and recognize you!

Thank you for your service!

This year we lost our last surviving WW1 Veteran, and unbelievable we are losing over 1000 WW2 Veterans ADAY!  Ray Wager, a Korean War veteran who lives in Middlesex, and I are volunteers at the Canandaigua Veterans Administration Medical Center for the Veteran’s History Project—- The Project is sponsored by the Library of Congress and is aimed at collecting oral history interviews from veterans of World War II, and the Korean, Vietnam, and Persian Gulf Wars and the Afghanistan and Iraq conflicts (2001-present).  The interviews are recorded on a video camera.  A DVD is sent to the Library of Congress, the VMAC Library, and the veteran.  If you are a veteran or know a veteran who is interested in being interviewed please contact Ray or me.  I have brochures up here and I am available to talk about the project with you after the ceremonies.

For many of us veterans are bodies are no longer strong, we can’t run up and down hills as we did in our youths, and our uniforms may no longer fit, mine shrunk, but the values, discipline, and principles DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY – HONOR, COURAGE, COMMITMENT - we learned in the military still fit us. For some of us veterans our memories of those times long ago may have faded a bit, and some of our stories forgotten, but we remember why we served and we remember that the price of freedom is constant vigilance.  For all of us veterans we know that our time upon a Wall in some foreign and far distant land are over, but our spirit is strong and our dedication to our Nation’s way of life, and our desire to keep this country free and powerful pulses through our veins with every beat of our hearts.

While we are here to honor our war dead, we must not forget that as we celebrate this Memorial Day, and enjoy the festivities, the food, and the weather, there are young men and women who are standing upon “a wall” in Iraq, and Afghanistan, and in every clime and place defending our Nation, and our rights “to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” The best and the brightest of our Nation, and of our community who are saying to us:  “Nothings will hurt you tonight, not on my watch.”  Regrettably some of them will pay the ultimate price for freedom.

And, in the future when the war clarion is sounded and the battle cry is heard, we will ask our young men and women to march towards the sound of gunfire and enter into harm’s way. And they will!  They will stand upon a wall as men and women have done for centuries, and they will say to us, “Nothing’s going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch.”  They will come once more from Gorham, Middlesex, and Rushville.  They will be our fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, sons and daughters, our friends, and our community members. 

They will do their duty as millions of veterans have done for over 235 years.

You may be asking yourself, “What can I do?”  Those of us who are now serving by sitting and waiting can support our military men and women by pausing to remember their sacrifice.  You can also show your support by simply saying, “Thank you for your service” to the veterans you know or meet.  A lot of us can be recognized by the way we carry ourselves, the way we express ourselves, and our hats.  In addition, when you see a man or woman in uniform in Wegmans, at the airport, in a gas station, take a moment, stop them and say, “Thank you for your service.”  It will make a difference in their lives, your lives, and our community and Nation.

God bless all of you, and God bless the United States of America.

In the summer of 1993 I drove across country in my 1986 Honda Prelude; my favorite car of all time.  I bought it used in 1987, and gave it to my daughter in 1996.  I put over 250,000 miles on it.  Of course, I believe about 100,000 of those miles were because I got lost so much.  Amazingly, I still get lost today even with a GPS!

While driving I listened to Meatloaf’s “Bat out Of Hell” cassette tape.  When I say I listened to it, I really mean I sang along with him – everyday; all day long.  When a song I particularly liked came on I turned up the volume and sang at the top of my lungs.  I was alone.  After three days my voice was hoarse and my hearing gone.  When my voice finally gave out I lip synced the words into my rear view mirror.  Again, it is important to me that you know I was alone.

When we like a song we pump up the volume. 

Now imagine there was something about yourself that you wanted to pump up the volume on.  Not sure what that is, well, not too surprisingly I have an exercise that might help you.  I want you to think of two or three individuals that you don’t like.  If not liking is too strong, choose individuals that maybe just annoy you.  They can be people you know or know about, or they can be historical figures, movie stars, politicians, etc.  Then list the quality or qualities about that person that you don’t like.  More than likely those qualities are underdeveloped in you.  And, I want you to turn up the volume on them.

I first did this exercise in the early 90s, and I chose Muhammad Ali and a professional colleague.  I believe that Muhammad Ali IS the greatest boxer of all time, but I couldn’t stand his bragging.  My professional colleague was also a business competitor, and he was always OVERSELLING his organization.  When I looked at those two traits, bragging and overselling, I realized that they were underdeveloped in me, and I was limiting myself. 

For instance, at one point in my career I was in Philadelphia and my boss was in Dallas.  The only way he knew what I was accomplishing was if I told him, and that was very difficult for me.  My gremlin would say, “Don’t brag!”  But being proud of what you do and celebrating your successes with others is really not bragging. 

And, by looking at the annoying qualities of the professional colleague of mine I was able to identify another limiting belief.  I was being too much of a team player, and I “sacrificed” myself and my organization for what I believed to be the greater good.  Ultimately, that did not serve me or my organization. 

Where do you want to pump up the volume in your life?  Who can you learn from?

This is my last blog of the year.  Elizabeth and I are going to Mexico in early December, and then I am going to take the rest of that month off.  Part of that time will be devoted to working on a coaching book that Cathleen O’Connor and I are collaborating on.  I have just finished my EBook which contains, “The Best of My Blogs”, and it will be available through my website soon.

Happy Holidays!!!

Elizabeth and I were at The Lodge at Woodloch two weekends ago.  I, of course, took John Leone’s water coloring class and this is my newest piece of work.  He is a great teacher, and a hero to me because he embodies and models qualities I admire and respect. 

In my previous blog I talked about my childhood heroes:  Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, and Superman.  Now here is where the Universe steps in.  While at The Lodge we met a wonderful couple, and they gave me a card with this quote on it:  “We need heroes because they draw us on to become better versions of ourselves…” Wally Bloc.  They had not read my blog and were not even aware that I wrote one, and yet they gave me the perfect quote at the right moment.  I love the way the Universe works.

I collect quotes and poetry that inspire me.  I am amazed how in a few short words the authors are able to capture the essence of what I believe.  Here are some of the ones I use in my coaching and in my workshops:

1. “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  Gandhi.  This is on my website, and what I strive for daily.  I have stopped watching TV news because it focuses on what is wrong in the world.  I don’t deny that there are lots of things wrong, and at the same time, I want to contribute and help change things.  I believe that by living consciously, being grateful, and contributing to the well-being of others I can influence the world community, and hopefully start a chain reaction of change.

2. “Anyone or anything that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” David Whyte in his poem “Sweet Darkness.”  To that end, I surround myself with loving and supportive people.  I am a great fan of David Whyte, and highly recommend his work to everyone.  In 1994, I took a workshop with him at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies, and it accelerated my personal growth.  His poetry and words of wisdom have played a large part in making me who I am today.  Here are two more quotes by him:

3.

Life is no passing memory of what has been
Nor the remaining pages of a great book
Waiting to be read

It is the opening of eyes long closed

From his poem, The Opening of Eyes

This is the first step to living consciously –  simply open your eyes.  Be aware of what you say, what you do, and who you spend time with. 

4. “Man is the only species that has the privilege of refusing its own blossoming.” I heard David say this at a workshop in NYC.  You have free will and choice in your life; you are responsible for where and who you are and where you are going and who you are becoming.

5. ” At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” Lao Tzu Founder of Taoism.  In Co-Active Coaching we say that everyone is creative, resourceful, and whole.  You know what you want and how to get it, but you may be blocked from accessing this information.  As a Life Coach, I have helped 100s of individuals get past their inner critics and limiting beliefs.  I have helped 100s of individuals to live more fulfilled and balanced lives.

6. “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” This is from Mary Oliver’s poem “Wild Geese.”  David Whyte introduced me to the poetry of Mary Oliver.  To me this poem says, get out of your own way; get out of your head; let your heart speak.

7. “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Paulo Coelho from his book “The Alchemist.”  Ask for what you want; say it out loud in the clear air, and trust the Universe.  The Universe will give you feedback; look for the signs.  Live consciously.

8.

The hand moves
And the fire’s whirling
Makes different shapes.
All things change when we do.

- From “Singing Images of Fire”, Kukei, 8th c. Zen Master.  You influence others by who you are and what you do.  You are a leader and role model, live accordingly.

9. “And as you let your own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”This is from Marianne Williamson’s “Return To Love.”  Another way of saying what Gandhi said and what Kukei wrote.  Live consciously, be your full self, and know that you make a difference. 

10. “A true spiritual teacher does not have anything to teach in the conventional sense of the word, does not have anything to give or add to you, such as new information, beliefs, or rules of conduct.  The only function of such a teacher is to help you remove that which separates you from the truth of who you already are and what you already know in the depth of your being.”  Eckhart Tolle.  We all need help along our journey.  To me, this describes what a Life Coach does.

What are your favorite quotes and poems?  Do you collect them, memorize them, and use them to motivate and inspire yourself and others?  If you do, please send me some of yours. 

  When I was a kid my heroes were:  Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, and Gene Autry.  I liked Hoppy best because he didn’t sing and didn’t kiss the girls. My dad got me this autographed picture of Hoppy, and it is on my desk as a reminder of who I wanted to be, and how I became who I am. 

While I wanted to be a cowboy, I also had a secret identity; I was the Superman of Highland Elementary School.  My mom would safety pin a red cloth around my neck and I wore it under my shirt.  Mild mannered second grader Bobby Harper could have gone at any moment to the boy’s room, ripped off his shirt, and been Superman.  I knew that I wasn’t “faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings with a single bound”, but I could have saved Karen M from Douglas H’s teasing.  I could have stood up to the playground bullies, saved cats caught in trees, and mowed lawns in a minute.  I had superpowers!

Interestingly, while Superman had a lot of super powers,he also had one apparent weakness besides Kryptonite. If you ever watched George Reeves play superman on TV you saw it happen almost every week.  Bullets would bounce off of Superman as he stood akimbo face to face with the bad guys.  However, when they ran out of ammunition they would invariably throw their guns at him, and he always DUCKED.  Hmmm!

But of all the powers Superman possessed, it was his sense of honor that I most admired.  The same is true of Hoppy, Roy and Gene.  They were honest, courageous, and fair. They all stood up for what they believed in, and they all helped others get what they wanted.

I believe our childhood heroes and heroines have a great impact on who we become.  Our role models are who we think about most as a child, and what we think about most is what we become.  Who were your heroes and heroines when you were a child?  How have they influenced who you have become? 

And, now that you are a grown up, who are you a role model for?  How do you feel knowing someone is looking up to you, and patterning themselves after you?