Win Harper | Life and Leadership Coach

I drove to New Castle, Pennsylvania, for my 48th High School Reunion.  I have not lived there since I left in 1962 to go to college, but I go back for most of my reunions.  For a while, I thought I would return there to live.  Then life happened:  College, the Marine Corps, Vietnam, Marriage, Daughter, Divorce, Retirement, Marriage, New House, etc. 

As I got closer to town, the road seemed to narrow as if I were entering a time tunnel.  Driving over the rolling hills of my youth brought peacefulness to me; my senses were heightened by the sights, sounds, and smells of returning to the familiar - my comfort zone.  To this day, the sounds and smell of steam radiator heat reminds me of my elementary school. 

I immediately went and picked up Moose.  We have known each other since before elementary school.  We drove around town.  We talked at times, but sometimes we just rode in silence.  There is a bond between Moose and I that transcends conversation.  He is the definition of friendship.  No matter how far I traveled, and no matter how long I went without reaching out to him, I knew he was always there for me.  And, whenever we reconnect it is as if we had been in contact daily.

I laughed a lot this weekend; sometimes at myself.  In our high school year book, there was a list of the 50 honor graduates.  My name was 13th.  Judy Emery was 9th.  I told her, jokingly, that I couldn’t believe that she was ahead of me in the standings.  Judy, who in that moment proved why she should be ahead of me, said, “Win, you do know that it is an alphabetical listing?”  No, I didn’t.

There were several players from our football team.  We talked about football camp, the games, and Lindy Lauro.  Lindy is a legend in High School coaching in Pennsylvania.  We were the first football team he coached in his long and illustrious career.  He taught us how to win; to take pride in what we do; and to never give up.  He was a great role model of what a leader and a man can be.

While in New Castle I thought about Miss Gilson my 3rd grade teacher and first basketball coach.  She taught me about teamwork, fair play and hard work.  And, Ralph Pugh my junior high school coach who taught me the basic skills of basketball and football, and he helped me to believe in myself.

There are so many people from my youth who contributed to who I am; friends, teachers, neighbors, teammates, coaches, ministers, and everyone else I interacted with.  I have thanked a lot of them, but not often enough, nor have I thanked them all.  I imagine that many do not even know how important they were and are to me.

What I like about High School Reunions is I am with the people who were with me when I was learning how to be in this world. They are a part of me.  We shared the most impressionable times of our lives together, and as we stumbled and bumbled our way through the early mysteries of life we forged a bond. Today we are all in our middle sixties and most of us retired.  We have relaxed into who we are, and are much like we were when we were young and carefree.  Returning home and being with them reminded me of this TS Eliot quote:  “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” I love New Castle!

Who do you want to thank for contributing to your life?  Is there a friend you keep wanting to call?  Start today.  I was 18 about a week ago, and today I am 66.  Time flies.

Last Tuesday I took a Hospice 101 class at the Canandaigua VA Hospital. 

Susan Buisch taught a wonderful class.  She was an authority on the subject and she presented the information well.  As with most classes, I found the material to be another opportunity for internal exploration. 

For instance, one of the things I learned is that at the end of life, many people ask themselves: Who am I?

What a wonderful question!

To help us answer that question, Susan asked us to write our own obituary.  This was a daunting task, but what a learning experience!

If the thought of writing an obituary stops you, write your own eulogy.  What would you say about yourself? What are you most proud of?  How would you like to be remembered?

Another exercise was to think about what you would do if you knew you only had two months to live, and you would be healthy to the end.  What would you do?

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
Mary Oliver – When Death Comes

What is one thing you can start doing today to ensure that you are not simply visiting?  What is one thing you can start doing today to contribute to the well-being of others?

Here is my latest watercolor painting.  John Leone at the Lodge at Woodloch in Hawley, PA is perhaps one of the best teachers I have encountered.  At the end of his two hour class EVERYONE has produced a painting like mine.

How does he do it?  First, he establishes trust.  You feel safe in his class because “nobody gets to be wrong.”  Second, he believes that everyone can paint.  Third, he combines teaching and coaching to help his students. 

My philosophy of coaching is similar.  While I believe that everyone is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole and they know what they want, I also believe that a good coach teaches.  There are certain basics associated with any endeavor.  For instance, knowing the keys and practicing the scales in music; dribbling, shooting and passing in basketball; the proper stance, blocking, and tackling in football.  Life has basics also, and here are the ones I teach in my coaching:  Saying No to things you don’t what to do; asking for what you want; getting rid of the idea that you “have to” do anything; and understanding that your beliefs are just that “your beliefs.”  The last one is especially powerful because if you don’t realize that, and you act as if they are true then you may be limiting yourself, and keeping yourself from becoming the person you were meant to be.  Can you think of a belief of yours that is limiting you today?

I believe that everything we do can be a metaphor for our lives.  What I learned in John’s painting class are the same things that I need in my life.  To be successful, I need to understand the basics skills and techniques of what I am doing.  A blank canvas and a vision of what I want is a wonderful, scary, and exhilarating moment.  Having a trusted partner, a coach/ teacher, accelerates my learning and helps me to become the person I am meant to be SOONER. 

The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.  Well, most of us don’t have an infinite amount of time, and without teachers/coaches like John Leone we won’t achieve the visions we have. 

Want to learn more?  Schedule a complimentary session with me by clicking here.

You can do it!  I can help. 

I want to be your coach.

Elizabeth and I watched “The Wizard of Oz” the other day.  It came out in 1939, the same year as “Gone With The Wind”, “Stagecoach”, “Gunga Din”, and many more classics.  According to online sources, “movie historians and film buffs often look back on the year 1939 as “the greatest year in film history.””

“The Wizard of Oz” has been analyzed and reviewed by movie critics, economists, psychologists, politicians, etc.  You can find all of that online. I believe, however, that the Wizard of Oz was one of the world’s first and possibly best Life Coaches.  First, he trusted that Dorothy, The Scarecrow, The Tin Man, and The Lion were naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.  This is a basic principle of coaching.  Second, he trusted that they all knew what they wanted, but were being blocked from accessing it. This is another basic principle of coaching.  Third, he trusted the coaching process. Another basic principle.  And finally, the Wizard worked holistically with the Body, Mind, and Spirit – Brain, Heart, and Courage.

And what did the Wizard really do?  He helped Dorothy’ friends get past their limiting beliefs:  I don’t have a brain! I don’t have a heart! I am not courageous!  How did he do it?  Well, he asked them what they wanted, and then used a structure (a diploma, a clock, and a medal) to remind them that what they wanted was already inside them. 

I know that sounds simplistic, and at the same time, I believe that is how coaching works.  Want to try it?  You can schedule a complimentary session with me by clicking here. 

Elizabeth and I drove down to the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies yesterday.  Elizabeth sells her Rainbow Spirit Jewelry there, and it was time to replenish their supply.

I worked there for 15 years and when I visit I still feel like I am going home.  We saw Jill, the housing Goddess, who is also an Author and Astrologist.  We were talking about cats, and Jill said she and her husband, Vijai, were thinking about getting one.  However, Jill said that she is allergic to cats, and Vijai believes he is because that is what his mother told him.  What a great teaching point.  A lot of what we believe is because one of our parents told us it was true.

For instance, when I retired from the Marine Corps in 1992 my Military Identification Card said that I was 5’10”, 170 pounds with brown hair and hazel eyes.  Well, I was 5’10” for about three days in 1971, then gravity took over and today I am now around 5’7”.  In 1992 I only dreamed of being 170 pounds again, and my hair was already gray by the late 1980s.  Most interestingly, however, is that my eyes probably have always been blue.  Why did my ID card say I had hazel eyes?  Well, it was because my mother once told me my eyes were Hazel; and that is what I wrote down on one of the many forms I filled out as I entered the Marine Corps in 1966. 

My theory is that many of our beliefs come from the A.I.R.  By A.I.R. I mean, Adults telling us things Intensely or Repeatedly.  I have found over the years that these are often our most limiting beliefs, and we are normally not even aware of them.  We simply believe them to be true because an adult told us.  My eye color may be an extreme case, but I believed it to be true.  Vijai believes that he is allergic to cats.

What do you believe because you were told it was true by an adult when you were growing up?  How does it limit you?