Win Harper | Life and Leadership Coach

I like words.  I like the etymology of words, and I like learning new ways of using and understanding them.  For instance, while I was taking a class at the Fort Sill Artillery School in 1972, the instructor told us he was going to reiterate some teaching points.  He quickly added, however, that before he could reiterate them, he first had to iterate them.  I thought that was clever.

This summer I went to my first Deeksha healing session at Omega.  Deeksha is a blessing given by a trained master who also delivers a message. That evening the teacher talked about the difference between happiness and joy.  He said that happiness comes from something outside ourselves, and that joy comes from within us.  In that moment it occurred to me that happen and happiness have the same root.  Therefore in order for us to be happy, something has to happen. On the other hand, we can be joyful, full of joy, simply by being.

In elementary school, I found a new word and didn’t know how to pronounce it.  The teacher said, “Bobby, it is pronounced, ‘no-where.’”  I asked her why it wasn’t pronounced, “now-here,” but Miss Bruce was very strict, and she told me a second time that it was pronounced “no-where.” I understood.  I understood, but I didn’t forget.

When I was going to college in the 60’s, The Beatles had a song titled “Nowhere Man.” Here are some of the words:

He’s a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.

Doesn’t have a point of view,
Knows not where he’s going to,
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don’t know what you’re missin’,
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.

Every generation has a saying, and one of ours was, “Hey, that’s nowhere man.”  I am not even sure what that meant, but I do remember saying it a lot.  But how would it change things if you used “now-here”  instead of “no-where.”  Try it, and see how it sounds and feels.

There are many words we can break down like this.  For instance, when we are not feeling well, do we have a disease or are we sensing dis-ease, or when we play do we recreate or do we re-create.  Can you think of some similar words?

The next time you feel dis-ease, because you are nowhere, re-create by recognizing that you are now-here, in the moment, not needing anything to happen to make you happy.  You are full of joy being who you are right now.  Remember, “Now-here man, the world is at your command.”

I was out walking this morning.  I have been walking or working out at the gym everyday since I have been in Mexico.  One of the luxuries of being here is that I allow myself that time.

I greeted a couple of locals with Buenos Dias (good morning) and they responded with “Amigo.”  Amigo, of course, means friend.  What a nice greeting.  I like that the Spanish also say, “Me llamo Win,” which literally means, I am called Win.  My name is not who I am, it is another label we use in our lives.  I think Eckhart Tolle would like the Spanish Language.

Last time I mentioned that the Zulu’s greet each other with “Sawu Bona”, I see you.  I served 26 years in the Marine Corps, and I always liked the salute.  To me, the salute is a way of saying I see you, and of acknowledging another member of the brotherhood of arms. The salute came from ancient times when individuals would show they meant no harm by holding up their empty hand.  The knights of old also would lift their visors to show that they were not there to fight.

A friend of mine, Jim, who I met in the Marine Corps, lives in the DC area.  Elizabeth and I were in Harrisburg working, and I called him to see if he wanted to meet somewhere in between DC and Harrisburg for lunch.  After retiring from the Marine Corps, Jim and I did a lot of hiking together on the Appalachian Trail and other trails.  We have shared some pretty miserable days in the rain and heat.  We have been tired, frustrated, and lost.  Someone once asked me why we didn’t do more hiking.  I said “Would you want to spend more time with someone who is always whining, crying, and complaining?  Well, Jim doesn’t either.”

Jim suggested we meet at the Gettysburg National Cemetery.  I drove an hour, and he drove over 2 hours.  Once I realized this, I said to him, “Jim, I really appreciate you driving over two hours to have lunch with me.”  Jim simply said, “That’s what friends do.”  Jim is the smartest man I know, and he is frugal with his words, but not his wisdom.  I actually teared up a bit when I heard his answer.  A simple statement that defines friendship.  If we are known by the company we keep, and I believe that is true, I feel very good about myself.  I have used this story and his words over the years in my coaching.

Sometimes, we get lost.  Sometimes, we see others lost.  Sometimes, we are so stuck in ourselves that we fail to see what is really important in life.  Sometimes, asking for help, asking if you can help, or even just asking someone to meet you for lunch is a way of enriching your life, and theirs.  Sometimes seeing and saluting those who are important in your life yesterday, today, and tomorrow can change your day, and theirs.  Amigos, that’s what friends do.

Did you “make a difference” to someone this week?  Some of you may be asking, “What can I do to make a difference?”  Well, at times it is the simple things that matter.

Two years ago I read a book, “Solving Tough Problems,” by Adam Kahane.  He said that the Zulu’s greet each other with “sawu bona” which means “I see you.”  When I read that I thought of how little children love the peek-a-boo game.  Remember their smiles and screams of delight!  As we grow older, we can lose some of that innocence and connection, and at the same time we continue to respond to being seen. 

When I was Department Head of Campus Support at Omega, I told my staff that when we greet arriving guests one of our jobs is to make them feel seen.  The guests arriving there were taking workshops that at times were emotionally challenging.  Some of them felt vulnerable, frightened, and anxious.  The simple act of looking into their eyes and saying “Hello, welcome to Omega” made a difference in their experience there. 

How can we make a difference to someone else?  You can begin by simply seeing them.  Sawu bona!

As part of my commitment to myself, and in response to my own inquiry as to What’s Important Now I joined the local Spa. Monday I went there for the first time, and while in the steam room, I talked with a local business man who was working with his church on building an orphanage.  I told I admired him for doing this.  I have traveled throughout the world and at times I have been overwhelmed by the poverty I have seen.  Many years ago,  I started volunteering for Habitat for Humanity as part of my efforts to pay back the universe for the blessings that I have received in my life.  I told him there are still times when I become frustrated by not knowing what to do and not being able to do more.  He then told me a variation of the following Star Fish story:

adapted from The Star Thrower
by Loren Eiseley (1907 - 1977)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “It made a difference for that one.”

While I have heard that story many times over the years, I was struck by the synchronicity of this telling.  The day before I had written my first blog about What’s Important Now.  What a great reminder of what we can do.  What is important now?  How about if each one of us goes out of our way at least once a day this week to “make a difference” to someone else?

For the past month Elizabeth and I have been on the road.  Last Tuesday we landed in Mexico and will be here for 5 months.  This has always been my time to relax, read, and study.  I have been wanting to write for years, and I have not.  As I become more aware of what I do, I realize that I can choose do something different.  I recently read, “Energy Leadership”, by Bruce D. Schneider.  He talks about the Big Four Energy Blocks: Limiting Beliefs, False Assumptions, False Interpretations, and The Gremlin, Saboteur, Inner Critic.  One of my limiting beliefs has been that I am not a good writer.  My saboteur’s refrain is, “who are you to think that people are interesting in what you write.”  Throw in a few false assumptions and interpretations from my past, and I am stuck.

Even the awareness is not enough.  I need to take action. Knowing that most of us need structures and accountability to get us moving, I am going to use this Blog as my structure, and You, whoever reads this, as my accountability. 

So, this is my first entry.  I selected the title of What’s Important Now, because it spells WIN.  And it is a reminder to myself to keep looking at What is Important Now in my life.

What’s Important Now in your life?