Win Harper | Life and Leadership Coach

If you don’t know where you are, you can’t get to where you want to be.

In my January 4th blog I gave myself an A for 2009 partly because I got down to 180 pounds and stayed there.  Well, today is July 26, 2009, and I do not weigh 180 pounds.  As a matter of fact, I have not lost any weight this year. 

So, now I am using an on line calorie counter, and I am learning that some of my eating habits are not serving me!  The first thing I realized is that pretzels, my favorite snack, have a lot of calories and SODIUM.  A serving size of 17 pretzels has 110 calories!  Normally I would eat half a bag in one evening, but last night I had two servings.
 
Why does counting calories help?  I believe that it brings me into the moment.  In regards to my eating habits, I have developed an acute awareness about where I am right now, what I am doing, and what choices I am making.  I now know where I am getting my calories, and that makes me very aware of what I am eating.  The awareness puts me in a place of choice – do I want to eat a half a bag of pretzels?  How does that support my value of Health?  What are my choices?

Financial Management is the same.  Once a year, I track all of my expenditures for three months in a small notebook.  To maintain my sanity,  I round everything up to the next dollar.  For instance, if I buy a cup of coffee for $1.45, at Dunkin Donuts, I enter $2.00.  At the end of the three months, I look at where my money is going, and determine if I want to make any changes in my spending patterns.  What I find more interesting, however, is that the simple act of being “conscious” of where I am spending my money, helps me make better decisions about how I spend.  Do I want an iced, mocha latte from Starbucks?  How does that support my value of Simplicity?  What are my choices?

I worked as a Time Management Consultant for a year after I retired.  Time Management is like weight management and Financial Management, you first have to identify where you are before you can get to where you want to be.  Time, however, is a non-renewable resource.  You can earn more money, but you cannot make more time.  It is the ultimate deadline, and knowing how you are spending your time will allow you do more of what you want to do.  Do I want to spend time with individuals who don’t believe in me?  How does that support my value of Personal Growth?  What are my choices?

I challenge you to keep track of your calories, money, or time for the next month.  Think about what you are doing, and how it supports your values.  And think about your choices. 

Elizabeth and I are in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania teaching and offering one-on-one sessions.  Last weekend we were in Abington, Massachusetts doing the same.  During this time, I have also acquired some new coaching clients.

Since November I have been writing a weekly blog.  When I started I said that I wanted your help to hold me accountable.  You have done a great job, and except for a few late submissions, I have written every week.

Accountability is one of the keys to action.  Think about the times you promised yourself to do something.  How many times did you do it?  Now think about the times you promised someone else you were going to do something.  How many times did you do it?  What was the difference?

When I coach someone, I ask them what they are willing to do, when will they do it, and how will I know.  Over the years, I have gotten phone calls, notes, emails, thumbs up, and just simple head nods informing me of the completion of a task.  There are always smiles and a sense of pride and satisfaction at having done what they committed to do. 

Three years ago, I taught a class at the Omega Ram Dass library, and I did a short coaching session with a volunteer from the audience.  5 months later, I received an email that simply said,” I did what I agreed to do.”  It took me several minutes to figure out who the email was from and what it meant.  When I did, I smiled.  I was happy for the lady who did something she wanted to do, and might not have, had she not made a commitment to me.

Now you may be thinking, what if someone doesn’t do what they said they would do.  My first question is “What got in the way?”  That question helps the individual learn more about how they process information.  I know that sometimes people say “yes” because they want to please others, or because they think that is what I want them to do.  And that is how a lot of individuals give away their own power.  By uncovering this behavior, we can work on developing new habits.  This is like peeling another layer off of the proverbial onion, and deepens the learning for the client.
I sense that I am coming into my power as a coach, and I want to expand my practice in order to contribute more.  I am, now asking for your help again.  I am committing to you that starting in September I am going to write a monthly newsletter in addition to my blog.  I am also working with my web designer to add a “questions” page to my site.  I think you will like the new page and I am sure that you will be able to use it to learn more about yourself. 

This is What’s Important Now for me. 

Thank you for your support.

I recently took a water color painting class at The Lodge at Woodloch with John Leone.  John is quite a character.  He is a great story teller, and a remarkable teacher.  He teaches a two hour class for guests of The Lodge.  I have had access to art classes for years at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies, but rarely took advantage of the opportunity.  On a whim I signed up for John’s class.  I am very proud of what I did.  Here it is:

There were only two of us in the class.  Richard, the other student, is from outside of Philadelphia and was at Woodstock in 1969!  I had never met any one who was actually there.  He seemed normal.  That August, I was stationed at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, South Carolina training enlisted Marines.  I am often asked what Woodstock meant to me.  I think people ask questions like that because THEY believe that no one in the military could possibly have enjoyed it.  I believe that is called labeling and stereotyping.  I loved the music, Janis Joplin, Richie Havens (the best version of “Here Comes the Sun”), Joe Cocker, Jimi Hendrix, et al.  Their songs are the songs of my youth.  I admitted to Richard that “My Green Tambourine” by the Lemon Pipers is one of my favorite songs of all time.  So is, “San Francisco” by Scott McKenzie.  Music inspires, and many times pulls us back to the times in our lives when we were young, in love, and full of life.  How powerful is music, Plato allegedly said, “Let me handle the music for one generation and I will control Rome.”

But I digress.  After that two hour class, I now see things differently.  Or, maybe not differently, more intensely.  I notice the shadows and hues of the landscape. I see details I forgot had existed: the leaves of trees, and the individual blades of grass.  Life is also more colorful to me.  Thank you John.

What would help you see things differently or more intensely? What details are you not seeing?  What would a more colorful life look like to you?  What songs inspire you?  Do you have an “Inspirational” playlist on your IPod?  How can you handle music to control yourself?

I like Nelson Demille’s books.  The first one I read was Rivers by the Babylon in 1986.  I then read his Word of Honor about Vietnam.  He is not only a good story teller, but I find in his writing quotes that affect my life.  For instance in Word of Honor he described the relationship between officers and enlisted men in combat perfectly when he wrote, “The essence of loyalty is reciprocity.”  In the latest one I am reading, The Gatehouse he writes, “…something draws us back to the familiar, because even if the familiar is not good, it is familiar.”

We are so strongly held by the familiar that we adjust what we do to stay there.  We are like a thermostat.  If we set it at 72 and the temperature goes to 74, the air conditioner automatically kicks on and brings it back to 72.  If the temperature drops below 72, the heater comes on to automatically raise it back to 72.  My golf game is another example.  There are days when I am in the moment, and I am playing very well.  Then I start thinking that I usually shoot around 95.  When I realize that I am playing “over my head”, I find myself hitting the ball off the fairway, into sand traps and water.  My game automatically adjusts to what I am use to playing; to what I am familiar with. 

Elizabeth and I are in the Boston area this weekend.  We are visiting some of the historical sites in Lexington and Concord.  The Boston Globe’s 4th of July edition printed our Declaration of Independence on its Editorial Page.  This is an excerpt:

“…all experience has shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.”

Sound familiar?  The men and women of the colonies recognized that they could no longer abide “the familiar.” They knew they wanted their “unalienable rights to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  They made their decision, and took action.  To achieve their goal would take commitment and courage.  How committed were they?  Here is what they wrote, “…we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.”

What are you tolerating?  What are you settling for in your life?  What actions are you avoiding?  How about writing your own Declaration of Independence – independence from the “tyrannies” in your life, and from those you are allowing to steal your dreams.  Living a happy fulfilled life takes commitment and courage.  You are worth it!
 
This week talk with a friend, a relative, or a coach and make a pledge to change your life; move out of the familiar into your greatness.