Win Harper | Life and Leadership Coach

“All stress and unhappiness come from believing and valuing one thing and finding yourself doing another.”  Brian Tracy

Mike and I discussed values again this week.  Knowing and honoring your values are important to your happiness. 

Every human endeavor has its basics that you need to know in order to be proficient and successful.  In basketball it’s dribbling, passing, shooting and ball handling.  In football it’s blocking and tackling, both of which are dependent on the player having the proper stance.  In music, it’s knowing the chords, keys, and notes.  Every great coach and teacher drills these fundamentals into their students until they become second nature.  The same is true for life coaching.  Understanding your values and honoring them needs to become second nature to you.

Mike’s top values are independence, contribution, family/teamwork, challenges, and integrity.  If you have been following our coaching sessions, you will notice how much more confident and happy Mike is as he brings his job search in alignment with these values.  He is now looking at doing some consulting and maybe purchasing a franchise.  Both give him independence, both allow him to contribute to the well-being of others, both are based on teamwork, and both are challenging.  Mike’s integrity to himself is demonstrated by his choosing something he wants to do, rather than doing what others think is good for him.

An audio version of the whole coaching session is at the end of this blog.  For those of you who have been following these sessions, please feel free to send me your comments and recommendations.

As for me, I went for a walk yesterday.  While that may seem to be an odd interjection, it is about my values.  The past few days I have been getting progressively grumpier.  I “forgot” that one of my values is health and fitness.  I was not honoring that and I was in a state of discomfort, and it manifested in my being annoyed by everything.  After the walk, I felt better, not just physically, but also because I was honoring one of my values.  Now I am my old happy, friendly, loving self.

Are you feeling out of sorts, do you sense that something is missing in your life, or are you having difficulties in your relationships?  Look at your values.  How are you honoring them?  Not sure what your values are?  At the end of this blog there is a Values Clarification Questionnaire designed by Suzanne Damberg.  She is one of the staff Life Coaches at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies.

How important are values?  Read the following:

This is what the Coaches Training Institute teaches about values:

Values are who we are!  Expressed in our thought, word, and deed.  Our actions never contradict our values.  Your values guide your decisions and behavior and can bring you mental and emotional freedom: The degree to which you honor your values is the degree to which you gain fulfillment.

Here are some excerpts from Neuro-Linquistics Programming about values:

Values are supremely important!  They are the measuring sticks of life.  What we value determines what life means to us, what action we will take, what we will move toward or away from.
When people become disconnected from their values, they lose their motivation.
All of our goals, dreams, and desires are simply the vehicles for fulfilling our values.

Values Clarification Questionnaire

1. Who are your heroes or heroines, past or present, real or fictional, that you look up to? What are the qualities they have that you admire?

2. What is your favorite film or play? Is there a particular character that you relate to? What are the qualities that you like?

3. What absolutely rubs you the wrong way or drives you crazy?

4. What are you obsessive about? What things do people label you with (i.e. “controlling”, “attention-getter”)? Or what do they tease you about?

5. What is the compliment or acknowledgement you most hear about yourself?

6. What words describe you at your best?

7. What words describe you when you are less than at your best?

8. Choose two or three moments in your life that you hold as true “peak experiences.” 
• What were they? 
• What was happening?
• Who was present and what was going on?
• What made these moments so special?

Moment 1 –
Moment 2 –
Moment 3 –
9. What about times when you were frustrated or angry or upset?

10. What must you have in your life to feel fulfilled? (i.e. creative expression, adventure, success, natural beauty) Without which, you feel like a part of you has died?

11. If you could devote your life to serving others – and still have the money and lifestyle you need – would you do it? What would it look like?

In questions 3, 4, 7, and 9, change any negative qualities into positive ones.  For instance, if you are angry about injustice, then justice is a value of yours.  Go over your answers and circle the words that are values.  Now go over your circled values and choose your top 10 and write a 2 or 3 sentence definition of each one.  What did you learn?  How do you feel about your values?

If you would like to be coached on your values, please contact Suzanne Damberg at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), Sandy Grove at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), or me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).  Sandy is also a Staff Life Coach at the Omega Institute.  Both Suzanne and Sandy are Coaches Training Institute Certified Coaches.