Win Harper | Life and Leadership Coach

The past week was a mixed one for Mike.  He said that he was not as focused as the previous two, and was thrown off a bit by some schedule changes.  He stated, however, that he is not routinely affected by change.

Mike did the Future Self Guided Meditation, and we debriefed his experience during our session.  His future self was a skinny old fellow wearing flip-flops.  He had a goatee and crazy hair, and was really relaxed.  Mike wasn’t exactly sure where his Future Self was living, but it was a house in a hilly forested area.  The house was light and bright, and simple and open.

I asked him what was the Essence of his Future Self?  He said that his future self was warm, welcoming, relaxed, and open to helping others including himself.  He just wanted to be helpful.

During the meditation Mike asked his Future Self a series of questions.  What follows are those questions and the answers he received:

What is it Future Self that you most remember about the last 20 years?
His Future Self found his power and soared; He had an image of being on a bike for the first time and finding his balance.  He recalled the excitement about being able to ride a bike and having places to go explore. Do you remember a similar moment in your life?

Future Self what do I need to be most aware of to get me from where I am today to where you are?
Don’t necessarily listen to other’s who question or doubt you.  Do it for you.  While others are important in your life, do what you want to do for yourself first.
 
Future Self what name, other than your first name, are you called by?  It is a special name and could be a metaphor or symbol of your essence. Shepherd – someone who guides others.

When I asked Mike about the name and what it meant to him, he said the experience was a bit scary.  He said that he has had a hesitancy to accept power (to shepherd others) because he feels that if he helps someone he is responsible for what happens to them.  He called it his “savior mentality.”

This is a key statement because it is a “limiting belief” for Mike and blocks him from being his full self.  I have found that this statement can mean the individual does not trust others to make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves.  Normally, this also means that the individual does not fully trust himself to make decisions and be responsible.  An underlying issue is boundaries:  physical, mental, spiritual, and psychological boundaries.  Remember “good fences make good neighbors.”  A lot of people either have no fence, and feel vulnerable and uncomfortable; or they have a wall behind which they hide to protect themselves through isolation.  The image of a waist high fence is a good reminder of how you can protect yourself and still interact with others and feel safe.  Being your fulfilled self takes courage, and again it is about speaking up and asking for what you want, and saying “no” to things you don’t want.

I next had Mike relax and breathe deeply.  Then, I asked him to imagine his future self, Shepherd.  After a few more breaths, I had Mike sit, stand, and walk as his future self.  Finally, I had him touch the place on his body that most evoked his Future Self.  This is the access point, and he can use at any time to bring his Future Self, his guide, into the present moment.  When faced with a question, a decision, or a challenging situation, he can simply place his hand there, and his Future Self will be there to help him.

Last week Mike had mentioned being “frustrated with leadership” and sometimes challenging bosses to the point of being stubborn.

That resonated with me because of my own life experience which I shared with Mike.  My relationship with my dad was not what I wanted. He was a lovely man and a damn good car salesman, but not especially adept as a parent.  When I went to him seeking help or guidance, he would sometimes just say he didn’t know, or sometimes criticize me for not being able to do it myself.  Remember I grew up in the era when boys/men didn’t show emotions or for god’s sake cry.  I was “conditioned” not to trust older people, and in effect not to trust myself. 

The affect of this:  During my 26 years in the Marine Corps, I never had a professional mentoring relationship with any superior officer.  Many wanted to help me, but in my own stubbornness I refused their offers.  I even had a name for those who did have such a relationship:  kiss ass.  It was only after I retired that I realized the incredible opportunities I had missed, and how I had sabotaged my own career through this type of behavior. 

The 3 things Mike is most proud of:
Graduating from college
Getting out of debt
Making transition from non-profit to profit

The common thread in these accomplishments was, they were “a challenge.”  This exercise is good to remind yourself of how good you truly are.  In the day to day world sometimes we dwell on what we haven’t done, when in fact all of us have done many challenging and important things in our lives.  You have done many wonderful positive things, and you can do them again.  The patience and perseverance that got you through can be summoned up to meet your new challenges.  Remember it takes patience, perseverance, and more than a week to be who you are meant to be.  You are worth it.

Homework:
Who are you becoming?
Access your future self during the week.

Next week we are going to do a Values Clarification exercise.