Win Harper | Life and Leadership Coach

“Every challenge provides you the opportunity to demonstrate who you want to be.”  Anne Hartley

Coaching helps you to get clarity in your life, and clarity means you know who you are and what you want.  Who you are is your Life Purpose and your values. This week Mike continued to work on his Life Purpose.  Writing the Life Purpose statement is an iterative process and takes time.  Mike is in this process, and he is learning a lot about himself.  And that is because some of the best coaching takes place between sessions.  It is during this time when the Universe challenges you, and you have a chance “to demonstrate who you want to be.”

Mike came up with a new statement, “I am the grit in the polish that others use to sharpen themselves.”  This is more in line with Mike’s natural impact.  When he says he is the grit he means that he likes to challenge others to be more than they are, “to sharpen themselves.”  The words “others use”  helps Mike to separate himself and not take responsibility for the results that others’ produce in their lives. Two weeks ago we learned that Mike had been limiting himself by believing that he was responsible for the results of others.  One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that you are only responsible for yourself.  When you learn that, then the next lesson is to learn that others are responsible for themselves.  This is a trust issue, and as with all issues in life, you can only trust others to the extent that you trust yourself.  Similarly, you can only love another to the extent that you love yourself; you can only respect others to the extent that you respect yourself.  It is all about YOU!

While working on the Life Purpose statement, Mike is consciously and unconsciously aligning himself with it, and he is reclaiming his personal power.  He is asking for what he wants and saying no to the things he doesn’t want.  For instance, when visiting his brother two weeks ago, a situation came up that normally he would have chosen not to deal with.  Marshall Rosenberg in his Non-Violent Communications work states that while we normally believe that there are only two instinctual reactions:  Fight or Flight, there is in fact a third – Connect.  When we choose fight, we argue or get mad; when we choose flight, we become silent or even leave.  Both do not resolve the issue and normally we are left not feeling satisfied.  When we choose connect, however, we authentically tell the other person what we are feeling, what we need, and we make a request.  To read more about Non-Violent Communications, visit The Center for Nonviolent Communication.  Here are two other books on communications that I recommend, “Crucial Confrontations” and “Crucial Conversations.”

I asked Mike what is frustrating for him right now.  He said nothing this week, and then added that he is frustrated a little by not knowing what areas to pursue in his job search.  I then asked him what information he needed to help him. The discussion turned to another limiting belief he had about the type of industry he wanted to work in.  Mike is focusing on the alternative energy industry because that is his most recent experience and that is an area he believes important. After a few questions, he realized that it is important for him to find a job with a company that shares his values and one in which he believes in their product. That may be alternative energy or it may be some other unrelated industry.  Mike’s leadership strengths and skills can be used in any industry.  While we were talking I thought about the railroads in the United States.  It is generally believed that they limited their growth by seeing themselves as a railroad industry rather than a transportation industry.  How are your beliefs limiting you?  Which one can you change today and free yourself?

Mike’s Homework:
Send me your weekly plan on Sunday evenings.  Accountability is one of the great benefits of having a coach.
Continue to work on your Life Purpose Statement. 

Who do you want to be?